"May the odds be ever in your favor!"

I wanted to take a moment to address something I had hinted at earlier in the Paizo RPGSS Season. It was my intention this year to do "Exit Interviews" for Top 32 contestants who were eliminated after each round. These men and women put a lot of work and effort into their entries and during the contest is not a time to be distracting them, but after each round drops their numbers, I had hoped to highlight them as they exited the stage for this season.

However, Andrew, my husband, is now in the Top 16 and I feel it is inappropriate for me to engage in that venture due to any perceived conflict of interest or potentially disqualifying him by accident.

Perhaps next year this vision of showcasing RPGSStars will be a joint effort that Andrew and I will both bring to the gaming community, should we find our time and effort less divided between contest and the rest of regular life. For this year though I will put aside my plans so I can be available to the Top 16 contestants that I am supporting behind the scenes and say to all of the participants "Good Luck and Good Job, may the best SuperStar win!"

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. ~ Inigo Montoya

Earlier this week a meme went around with a quote from Dorothy Parker "Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common." This quote produced some discussion and a lot of thought on my part. The quote by Ms. Parker makes this distinction quickly with the sharp contrast of two words that anyone might use interchangeably without considering the deeper implications. What is "normal" and "common"? Why should or should we not use them interchangeably? Please indulge me sharing a few definitions with you, my dear readers.

Normal: usual or ordinary; not strange. Conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern.

Common: occurring or appearing frequently; not rare. Of or relating to a community at large.

On the surface these two words seem synonymous, however I challenge that they hold subtle differences that when used in society to describe specific individuals these words can cause a sense of isolation and exclusion. Normal imparts a qualitative distinction, where Common imparts a quantitative designation. When something is "normal" it is regular and in keeping with expectations. When something is "common" it is frequently encountered.

The differentiating factor becomes more clear when we make the words antonyms. Normal to Abnormal and Common to Uncommon. Abnormal is consistently used to qualify situations or organisms with negative traits, e.g. abnormal growth, abnormal results, or abnormal behavior. Uncommon enumerates a rarely occurring circumstance or sought after quantity, e.g. uncommon valor, uncommon skills, or Uncommonly Good.

As we use our vast language, we must be mindful of the nuances that we unintentionally place in our conversations. I regularly lack the precise word I wish to use and must make do with the first word that comes to mind, whether it is the one I wanted or not. While communicating, it is convenient to use the first word on the tip of our tongues and brains, and certainly not always with the intention to injure another. Yet, when one considers the message that is being subtly sent each and every time the word "normal" is used in conjunction with something that is in fact "common" we are telling others that not being a part of the majority makes them an unwanted quality, such as cancer.

Women and men are both common and normal. Heterosexuality is common and normal. Homosexuality is less common and normal.

Love one another and experience #maximizedempowerment every day!

New Year's 2014

All of my best decisions came about as New Year's Resolutions, in some weird fashion.

In the fall of 1999, Andrew asked me to marry him. We wanted a June wedding and felt that we just wouldn't have time to get things together and set our date for 2001. However, once the holidays were over, we opted to change our plans and on January 1st 2000, we made the decision o do whatever we needed to to get married that year and so we were married on June 10th, 2000. One of the hottest days on record, 90 degrees before noon.

On September 11, 2001 the world became a horrible place for our nation. Just prior to that day, as a couple we had decided we needed to change our fortune in order to start a family. I turned in my application to attend nursing school, we had a plan. The months following the attack though put the world in sharper relief for us. On January 1st, 2002 we decided that we did not want to wait until after nursing school to start a family. No one would use terror to keep us from finding love and bringing more love into the world. It was clear to us that if the world needed something, it was more love. Our first child, Kate, was born January 3, 2003. 

I finished nursing school and started my new job as a nurse. I knew if Kate was going to have any siblings, we needed to address that soon. On January 1, 2006, in keeping with our incredibly good track record we came together as a family and once again called upon the Spirit of the New Year to bring us a blessing, we resolved to add more love to our lives. After a very difficult pregnancy, Thomas joined our family and shared a birthday with Andrew on Spetember 29, 2006. 

Many years have passed and I have not much thought about New Year's Resolutions. I don't seek to lose weight or stop cussing or give up smoking. Long ago I came to the place where I love myself to the best of my ability and accept my faults with as much grace as I can muster. However, this year is different. The past few years have been very difficult and I have battled Depression and Anxiety. I have spent many hours talking with my therapist, accepted my body's inability to function properly and been on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications for two years longer than I wanted to be. When I last tried to go off my medications, I weaned myself but the side effects were terrible. I have never once considered ending my own life until I was 40 years old and going through withdrawal. I had not choice, I resumed my meds at higher doses for my own sanity.

Now I stand at a place where I have a beautiful family, a job I enjoy and this coming year holds something that the last few years have not - a clear sense of great opportunity waiting to be taken, held and called my own. I want this and I want it on my terms. I have been weaning myself again, much slower this time and there have been no side effects. I am ready to take the next step, to reduce my meds below any amount I have ever been at before. I had decided to wait until after the holidays and then realized the perfect moment was about to present itself.

This year I will be making my first real New Year's Resolution in 8 years. This year I resolve to become fully myself again and to go forward into the new year as the best person I can be. Each Resolution in the past brought with it the birth of a new creation, a married couple and two children. This year it will be my re-birth if you will. While I know it sounds overly dramatic (and if you know me, I know drama), it is something that I owe myself and my family. I need to break free from what has kept me down and I need to be fully in this world. There's a lot of work to be done and I need to get to it.

Happy New Year's everyone.

RPG SuperStar

GAMERS ARE COMING!

Are you ready?

Paizo RPG SuperStar

Spoilers, Sweetie, spoilers

Unless you are living under a rock, you know today is Doctor Who's 50th Anniversary Day.

While the real world has laid me low, few things make me happier than Doctor Who. This isn't a true blog entry, but an invitation to you Who Fans for a safe place to discuss whatever you like on my Facebook Community -

G-R-P Doctor Who Spoiler Thread

If you aren't ready or able to watch the episode yet, fear not, it will be there when you are ready and it will all be contained so you can still enjoy our community of geeks and nerds.

Please join us and enjoy maximized empowerment.

#doctorwho, #maximizedempowerment

Confessions of Nerd Girl

Dear Peter Jackson,

I loved your treatment of the LotR trilogy and I was very excited to hear you were going to film "The Hobbit". Like many I was quite curious to see what you were going to glean from the numerous secondary sources Mr. Tolkien wrote to pull out THREE epic films.

I was also delighted to hear that you were going to include appearances from The Nine in homage, they all seemed to really enjoy their time filming the original movies and who doesn't like to spend some time with their mates?

What I do not understand, nor can I really find a place in my heart to tolerate is your insistence at pushing Legolas to what appears to be a prominent role in the next two parts of "The Hobbit". I understand there is a place for him in the story, he could be conceivably the right elf in the right place. Story continuity is great. But now that I have seen the previews, Mr. Jackson, you have put more screen time into Legolas in the trailers than he should rightfully have in the whole film.

Please do not misunderstand me, my heart races a little when he draws his bow or wields his double blades, he is a magnificent elf who can eat crackers in my bed anytime. But he does not belong in these films. 

More importantly, who are you to write fanfic and give him a girlfriend? You have taken such great care and consideration until now. What were you thinking? 

Those who know me know that the presence of women in media, geekdom and nerddoms are near and dear to my heart. Nothing makes me happier than to see gender not be a consideration in casting decisions. But you have gone too far, Mr. Jackson. You have added a storyline that already detracts from the story and the movie hasn't even been released. Legolas' love life is not the subject of "The Hobbit". You have diluted your own work and for what? 

I can assure you the women that you hoped to attract by this addition would have come to see a brief glimpse of Orlando Bloom revisit his former role and they would have gone home to happily dream up their own fanfic. We do not need your assistance in this matter. 

What you have done has made me a very cranky potential viewer, because now I must endure your fanfic while I try to watch around it to see Bilbo infiltrate Smaug's lair, which is actually part of the plot of "The Hobbit". You have introduced an unnecessary distraction. I am disappointed, sir. I had hoped for better from you.

Nerd Girl

Cancer Sucks, part 2

As promised, I have sent questions to two gamers who are near and dear to my heart who were unfortunately diagnoses with breast cancer. Our second guest is the effervescent Madelyn Levine.

G-R-P: Tell us a little bit about yourself and your gaming background. 

Maddie: I am 33 years old and grew up in Lynchburg Virginia with my parents and younger sister. I was the yearbook photographer for 3 years in High School and went to Bridgewater College with a degree in History with a minor in Spanish. When I was in college I met my ex-fiance and he brought me to my first LARP. I have been playing in OWBN for 13 almost 14 years now and I have been loving it ever since. I think the thing that keeps me enjoying it is a refuse to be a Coord, a Council Member, or an ST. I like to think of myself as Dorothy, I pay no attention to the man behind the curtain and stay blissfully ignorant of the qualities that make people leave or enjoy the game less. 

I have played a few tabletop games but find them to be a little too math heavy for my taste. I enjoy playing Munchkin and Cards against Humanity. I also enjoy playing Cranium, Mahjong, Wise and Otherwise, Bethump'd, and Trivial Pursuit among other board games.

When did you first suspect you had beast cancer? 

On July 4th of 2009 I came home and felt a lump, probably the size of a lemon, in my left breast. I thought I had just bruised it rough housing in the pool with my friend's daughters. I left it alone for 3 months because I thought it was just a deep tissue bruise and needed time for the blood to get reabsorbed or dissipate.

When were you diagnosed? How old were you at that time?

I then had an appointment with my OBGYN in October and told her about the lump that I thought was a bruise. A week later I had an ultrasound. Then a week or two later I had an appointment with a breast surgeon and she just thought it was fat necrosis but ordered a biopsy anyway. I had one and it was kinda painful. I came back a week later, alone, because she made it sound like it wasn't anything too serious. She told me I had cancer. I was 29. Alone in the exam room and my world was crashing down. She let me borrow her office to call my Mom and my husband, Sooper. I then went for my first appointment with my oncologist, Dr. Felice. I had a PET scan and found out that it had metastasized to my liver, lungs, and spine.

How old were you when you started treatment? 

On December 8th, 2009 I had my port put in and on December 21st 2009 I had my first chemotherapy treatment. I had chemo for 10 months and then started having toxicity issues and stopped treatment for a few months, then started back on a different drug for 6 more months. Then on August 7th 2010 I had a lumpectomy. Then in October 2010 had radiation. Since July of 2010 I have been on Tamoxifen. 

How has breast cancer affected your day to day life? 

 I started feeling well enough to work for about 2 months in early 2012 and because the job was unrealistic in it's expectations I had to leave. I started using a representative with the Department of Rehabilitative Services but they weren't able to find anything for me. I will eventually go back to them again, hopefully at the beginning of 2014. 

I had a recurrence of cancer in my hips in 2012, had radiation, and still have pain in my hips that I think I finally have under control. Because of all the pain meds I've been on I was hospitalized for a week and a half in September of 2013 with severe vomiting for about 3 weeks and I hope that won't happen again. 

For now I am just trying to feel better and get back on a normal sleep schedule as the steroids I was on when I was on Chemo caused me to have insomnia, which I still suffer from even now. 

Your ability to game? You play Nosferatu, did you use your appearance in 

character in any way? 

 I did have times when I wasn't able to game due to nausea, or tiredness, or just generally out of sorts and I know I was missed and worried about.When I started losing all of my hair in clumps I eventually just shaved it down with my husband's beard trimmer. I never went so far as shaving it with a razor. Some of my friends as a show of solidarity shaved their heads and it made me proud and it made me feel loved. I mostly just lived in a bandana, a hat, or sometimes a wig when I was feeling adventurous, cold, or exotic. I eventually had my hair grow back and now it's just on my nerves. I had to relearn how to have hair, it being on my neck, the warmth of it, and putting it up so it isn't in my face. 

My Nos didn't really have any issues because the specific repugnant traits for her are tusks and elfy ears. It was easier to do the ears when I didn't have hair in the way.

How has the gaming community helped you through this time? 

My friends at game were the thing that spurred me on the most. They started a SooperMad retest and raised money for Sooper and I to function in our everyday lives. I look forward to playing weekly and still have little time that I leave the house during the week so most of my weekends are spent with friends and hanging out with them and gaming. 

Have you been determined to be cancer free? When did that happen? 

I was originally deemed to be in remission in June of 2011 but had a recurrence in 2012 so it's complicated. For now i'm stable nothing growing or changing. 

What issues still give you difficulty? 

Because the radiation weakened my bones a bit and the cancer in my spine is hard to treat I still have bone treatments monthly to strengthen my bones to keep the cancer from getting back in to them. Because my cancer is estrogen positive I also have shots to shut down my reproductive system so I have no estrogen created in my body. I am in chemically induced menopause and probably will be for the next few years. Breast cancer is said to have 5 year recurrence rate so I expect to be a few more years still in this process.

What, if anything, positive things have you been able to take away from this experience? 

One of the positives I have taken away from all of this is that modern medicine has come along way. Ten or more years ago my cancer diagnosis would have been more of a death sentence. Modern medicines, nutrition, radiation, and chemotherapy and how they interact, the research of how they work, and all the studies to get where we are today medically are very appreciated. Sometimes you just see people as awful human beings, stupid, violent, uncaring, and selfish. Another positive is that I saw the soft underbelly of humanity and the charity that raised some money to help me in my recovery journey. Scares That Care was always a charity I was involved with periferally but not directly. A lot of charities make money for themselves first and only really give a small percentage of that money to an actual cause. There are few genuine charities where 100% of the proceeds go to the recipient or recipients; Scares That Care is one of those charities. The people who run the charity are volunteers and make no money off of the donations and genuinely help 3 struggling families a year with various conditions yearly. 

What do you think others should know about cancer, gaming or in general? 

My advice is just to know your body. Whether you do it yourself, make it part of your sexual experiences, or have a doctor examine you, feel every part of your body, look at freckles and moles, evaluate if something you think might be a minor issue could be something more serious. Get a physical sometimes. Every year may not be possible but at least see a doctor a few times when you aren't sick to evaluate anything troubling, something that feels or looks wrong, or if you are coughing up, peeing, pooping, or excreting blood from anywhere. It could save your life or the lives of others if you see someone ignore something or ignore it yourself.

As for gaming you should at least once in your life play something that is the exact opposite of your personality and lifestyle. I'm not saying you should take up playing a racial supremacist with a penchant for necrophilia, just that if your a quiet or shy person you should play a loud person boisterous person just to see if you can.

Once again, October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Please remember to complete your self-exams monthly and take the best care of yourself you can. 1 in 8 women (approximately 12%) will develop invasive breast cancer in their life time. Breast cancer isn't just a disease of women, approximately 2,200 new cases of breast cancer is diagnosed in men each year, about 1:1,000. 

You can find more information at the National Breast Cancer Awareness Month website http://www.nbcam.org/, the Susan G. Komen site  http://ww5.komen.org/, and the American Cancer Society website http://www.cancer.org/healthy/morewaysacshelpsyoustaywell/breastcancer?gclid=CMzq95iHuLoCFUyd4Aodb0kAmw

Enjoy Maximized Empowerment!