After a heated conversation the other day, I felt like I needed to say something about my philosophy on my personal fight for equality.
I think people tend to forget, I am acutely aware of how awful the world is - every day men, women and children: suffer and die for want of potable water and food; suffer and die at the hands of dictators, guerrilla leaders and even legitimate government officials who have no concern for human life (yeah, we saw what you did Mexico); suffer and die because they are enslaved and mistreated by those who have shackled them; suffer and die at the hands of people who fear and hate them because they are different in some meaningless way; and suffer and die for countless other reasons that I cannot allow my heart to seek out for fear of breaking.
I work toward gender, race and sexual equality because we need to treat everyone like we want to be treated. We cannot expect respect if we do not give respect and there will be no equality if we expect extra compensation for past transgressions, that's not equality, that's revenge. It is human to seek revenge, to hurt the person or the person who is perceived responsible for hurting you as much as they hurt you. I know that my opinion on equality isn't generally accepted due to the fresh and constant pain that we are still experiencing due to inequity, I understand that, but it doesn't change how I feel or view the long term goals of my actions.
For me, equality isn't going to be fixed/solved/achieved in my lifetime, this is a war of attrition. We first must reach out to the people who are policy makers now and work with them for their understanding of how they can support policies that mitigate the pain that our collective history has filtered down to us through bad decisions and egos. Each and every person has suffered at some point and on some level from the "patriarchy" we currently have in place, if you don't believe me, ask yourself why we not only don't have national policies regarding maternity leave but why there is even less of a conversation going on about paternity leave, the "patriarchy" hurts everyone equally, it's the only equality to be found. We need to establish a dialogue, which by its very nature, is everyone involved talking with one another to correct misunderstandings and find a mutually acceptable plan. It is not the injured party making demands and expecting complete acquiescence to the demands made by those in power, that goes back to "equality is not revenge" I mentioned earlier.
We must also work with our peers and our children, teaching them and modeling for them what is acceptable behavior. When our public officials, media and other community leaders can easily be seen bullying and disrespecting others based on superficial items, such as gender, race, sexuality or disability, rather than the issues at hand - see all of the political campaign ads for the last 12 years - we are showing our peers and children that it is okay to behave outrageously. I have never really said that reality daytime television shows are awful, though I do believe that for the following reasons: They give the impression, to those who are not aware, that this is how our society functions - wondering who is the father of our child, fisticuffs to settle arguments and Jerry only knows what else. If you know that it is made up and scripted, it might be your brand of entertainment, but what about all those individuals who are impressionable, but not sophisticated enough to understand? There are still a lot of people who think that professional wrestling is athletic wrestling (it's not!) and that every in ring adversarial match is echoed off mat (although I do have a soft spot for pro-wrestling, so no hate mail). When grown ups behave badly and are not reprimanded or stopped, those behaviors are mirrored by an impressionable audience. Words hurt as much as sticks and stones, no matter how the saying goes.
Being good role models, walking the walk and talking the talk are going to be how we win our war of attrition for equality. I can change no one but myself, but by showing those around me that it is possible to think and act in a way contrary to hate and fear, to show others that is it possible to live a life in which people are treated equally and with respect and expecting equality and respect, it gives those who might not know how or not even know of another way the tools they need to put into their own life's toolbox for survival and success. It is never just that easy, nothing worth having ever is easy to get.
Life is full of choices to make and reactions to have - do we choose to react out of fear, anger and hatred or do we choose kindness, love and understanding? Every person must make that decision for themselves every time, all day long. It gets easier to pick love over hate, it takes practice. Our world is better now than it was 100 years ago and it will continue to improve. I wish it was faster, however I am a practical person when it comes to humanity's ability to change and evolve.
Someone in my circle of friends recently said that nothing ever changes without violence. I say that is rubbish. Nothing ever changes without change and actions, violence is an action, just like love. I know how awful the world is, I simply choose to follow the lead of others who have gone before me on the path of peaceful resistance, it's a wide path, there's room for more.
I think people tend to forget, I am acutely aware of how awful the world is - every day men, women and children: suffer and die for want of potable water and food; suffer and die at the hands of dictators, guerrilla leaders and even legitimate government officials who have no concern for human life (yeah, we saw what you did Mexico); suffer and die because they are enslaved and mistreated by those who have shackled them; suffer and die at the hands of people who fear and hate them because they are different in some meaningless way; and suffer and die for countless other reasons that I cannot allow my heart to seek out for fear of breaking.
I work toward gender, race and sexual equality because we need to treat everyone like we want to be treated. We cannot expect respect if we do not give respect and there will be no equality if we expect extra compensation for past transgressions, that's not equality, that's revenge. It is human to seek revenge, to hurt the person or the person who is perceived responsible for hurting you as much as they hurt you. I know that my opinion on equality isn't generally accepted due to the fresh and constant pain that we are still experiencing due to inequity, I understand that, but it doesn't change how I feel or view the long term goals of my actions.
For me, equality isn't going to be fixed/solved/achieved in my lifetime, this is a war of attrition. We first must reach out to the people who are policy makers now and work with them for their understanding of how they can support policies that mitigate the pain that our collective history has filtered down to us through bad decisions and egos. Each and every person has suffered at some point and on some level from the "patriarchy" we currently have in place, if you don't believe me, ask yourself why we not only don't have national policies regarding maternity leave but why there is even less of a conversation going on about paternity leave, the "patriarchy" hurts everyone equally, it's the only equality to be found. We need to establish a dialogue, which by its very nature, is everyone involved talking with one another to correct misunderstandings and find a mutually acceptable plan. It is not the injured party making demands and expecting complete acquiescence to the demands made by those in power, that goes back to "equality is not revenge" I mentioned earlier.
We must also work with our peers and our children, teaching them and modeling for them what is acceptable behavior. When our public officials, media and other community leaders can easily be seen bullying and disrespecting others based on superficial items, such as gender, race, sexuality or disability, rather than the issues at hand - see all of the political campaign ads for the last 12 years - we are showing our peers and children that it is okay to behave outrageously. I have never really said that reality daytime television shows are awful, though I do believe that for the following reasons: They give the impression, to those who are not aware, that this is how our society functions - wondering who is the father of our child, fisticuffs to settle arguments and Jerry only knows what else. If you know that it is made up and scripted, it might be your brand of entertainment, but what about all those individuals who are impressionable, but not sophisticated enough to understand? There are still a lot of people who think that professional wrestling is athletic wrestling (it's not!) and that every in ring adversarial match is echoed off mat (although I do have a soft spot for pro-wrestling, so no hate mail). When grown ups behave badly and are not reprimanded or stopped, those behaviors are mirrored by an impressionable audience. Words hurt as much as sticks and stones, no matter how the saying goes.
Being good role models, walking the walk and talking the talk are going to be how we win our war of attrition for equality. I can change no one but myself, but by showing those around me that it is possible to think and act in a way contrary to hate and fear, to show others that is it possible to live a life in which people are treated equally and with respect and expecting equality and respect, it gives those who might not know how or not even know of another way the tools they need to put into their own life's toolbox for survival and success. It is never just that easy, nothing worth having ever is easy to get.
Life is full of choices to make and reactions to have - do we choose to react out of fear, anger and hatred or do we choose kindness, love and understanding? Every person must make that decision for themselves every time, all day long. It gets easier to pick love over hate, it takes practice. Our world is better now than it was 100 years ago and it will continue to improve. I wish it was faster, however I am a practical person when it comes to humanity's ability to change and evolve.
Someone in my circle of friends recently said that nothing ever changes without violence. I say that is rubbish. Nothing ever changes without change and actions, violence is an action, just like love. I know how awful the world is, I simply choose to follow the lead of others who have gone before me on the path of peaceful resistance, it's a wide path, there's room for more.
